Phase One, Day One

It feels like day one of a ship wreck! The first part of the day was a blur. Work was so busy I didn't get a chance to really complain about the banana and almond butter I had for breakfast or the cup of unsweetened almond milk. I didn't even flinch when I went to Chuys and declined the chips, salsa AND creamy jalapeño! Can you believe that!!!! I had a grilled chicken salad with olive oil and lemon as my dressing. No, pigs aren't flying...but they should be! My snack was a combo bowl of carrot sticks and an apple. The day didn't really hit until I was on my way home. I would have killed for a slice of pizza or a cheeseburger. Better yet, I needed something sweet and was a little nervous whether or not I could hold out. But I did and we had grilled pork chops with quinoa and broccoli. And if that wasn't enough I ended the night with a grumpy 40 minute walk. At this point of the night the no caffeine, no sugar, no yummy had kicked in. I'm proud to sad I made it through day one. Vance said he'd do this elimination diet with me, and made it all of 5 hours before being face deep in ice cream!!! Some buddy system.

After the walk I went straight to the shower and have planted my butt in the bed. I think I deserve that. :) I'll let you know the days continue...

Process of Elimination

Tomorrow (hopefully) I start the Dr. Myers Elimination Diet. I hate that it's called a diet, but I'll make do. One of my best friends Mother in Law and Aunt are currently on the program and were sweet enough to pass along the ebook so I can follow. Her Aunt is Gluten Intolerant and allergic to corn! The diet pretty much is broken down into two phases, the elimination is phase 1. For 14 days there is no alcohol, caffeine, sugar, artificial sweeteners, no fast food, junk food, processed foods, no sweets, no wheat, flour, corn...basically the list of what I can eat is shorter than what I can. Those items are just the ones that hit closest to home. Phase 2 is reintroducing these foods one by one to see how your body reacts. At the end, you should know what foods are working for you and what foods are working against you. At least, that is the plan!

Yes, I am totally aware of how difficult this is going to be. I know my success is solely dependent on my ability to apply myself to this plan. And to STICK with it. But here's the thing, if I can't do this I get to continue with exactly how things are currently. Yes, I will be able to eat all the crap I want, but I will also be able to continue being overweight, unhealthy, tired, have stomach issues, be insecure and self conscious. OR, I can make a solid attempt to take control of my eating habits. What's the worst that can happen? I feel better? How terrible would that be? Maybe even lose a little weight? Man, that would just be horrible!

So over the next 14 days, I need instant reminders of what I am gaining from this to help me stay the course. A super list of pros that is so phenomenal, the option of not succeeding isn't even a possibility! I am going to work on this list tonight and post tomorrow. I have a feeling I will need  the reminder/ motivation tomorrow.

Thanks for lending the ear/ eye. Have any of you done the Elimination diet? Any advice?

It's Not THAT The Wind Is Blowing...

A co-worker of mine sent me an article about symptoms if Gluten intolerance. There was about 10 symptoms and I currently experience pretty much all if them. To be honest they are all regular symptoms and could be linked to anything, but the one that stood out was infertility. I don't talk much on this blog about our struggle with infertility, but we've been trying to get pregnant for almost two years now. All week I've been thinking about going gluten free for a couple of weeks to see how I feel. I know it's going to be extremely difficult. But I'm willing to try anything, right!? 

Tonight, after Vance's soccer game, we stopped off for a quick bite to eat. We shared a pizza and had a fried ravioli appetizer. All of which are jam packed with gluten. I started thinking, will I really be able to the this up? I mean, I want a family more than I want gluten, right! The thought alone made me queasy. I can't believe I am even questioning it. Even as I'm laying here typing this, I feel miserable having ate as much as I did and feel so bloated! Won't I feel better if I give this all up??? Not to mention I would almost force me to eat/prep at home, so we'd be saving money too. And how awesome would it be if we could get pregnant by simply changing my eating habits. It sounds like a win win to me, now I just wish I could follow through with it.

About this time is when I start looking at weight loss blogs and success stories and wonder why it can't be me? Why is this desire to be healthy such a huge hurdle? If working out and eating better will do nothing but help me, why am I so attached to my old habits? Because I'm lazy and because the effort is just too much. But us it worth feeling miserable, and tired and uncomfortable into own skin for the rest of my life? Do i want to spend the rest of my years wondering what living healthy would feel like?

Just a lot to think about. Anyone else gluten free or have tried gluten free to trial your intolerance?

Update

I have just thrown away the remaining sweet tea from lunch and grabbed a bottle water. I also donated the package of Reese's Peanut Butter BIG CUPS to my boss.

#progress

Cayman's Anyone?

You would think a trip to the Grand Cayman Islands in May would be enough of a motivator for me to stick to a freakin' goal! I mean, we're talking paradise here people and I seem to quote alright with being the BEACHED WHALE! I am excited about this trip for several reasons...

1. It's FREAKIN' vacation!
2. Vance went here with his family before we were engaged. When he came back, all he talked about was how he wished I was there so he could have proposed to me on the beautiful beach. Maybe he'll pop the question a second time, for old times sake!
3. I thought this trip would really be a motivator for me to kick things into gear.

I need to remember to give myself credit where credit is due. The truth is I am currently going to the gym for an hour Monday through Thursday. That is four times a week more than I have been going in the last 5 years or more. And I am proud of myself. BUT the harsh reality is that it's not enough.

I went in to the Dr on Monday, just a little routine visit. She asked me all the normal questions. When I told her about the exercise class, she was glad to hear it. Something about the relief in her eyes, made me a little depressed. But I told I was starting my 2nd month of four times a week workout and I really haven't lost any weight. I have noticed things fitting better, but I had actually GAINED a few pounds. She informed me this was totally normal. That I am gaining weight because I am swapping muscle for fat and fat weighs more...AWESOME and that exercise will really only help me to tone and maintain my current weight,  not necessarily help me lose any. Id I wanted to lose the weight, I would have to tackle my food issues. Let me tell you how UPLIFTING that visit was.

I know I am I am going to just sound like a giant tit bag, excuse the expression, but it just seems like SO much work! And I feel like I will NEVER be able to eat anything that tastes good again. And I just don't know how worth it, being skinny is.

WOW!!!! That actually just came out of my mouth! It's embarrassing, but true! And, I don't want to be skinny, but I want to be healthy and that means losing some lbs. I feel like I am having the never ending conversation with myself. I am just constantly waiting for something to click.

Yesterday I worked from home and went through a GIANT box a photos from high school and college. I was digging around some for some motivating photos. Shockingly enough, I found a TON. I don't remember liking my body back then either, but looking at those photos, I would KILL for that body now. This is quite possible one of the hardest journey's I have ever been on. I'm not sure how I will do this, but I know I HAVE TO. This year I turn 30, in July, and if I don't make this change now, it will be THAT MUCH harder to do the older and more set in my ways I get. I wish my actions were as dedicated as my words.

I wish my actions were as dedicated as my words.

I wish my actions were as dedicated as my words.

I wish my actions were as dedicated as my words.

I think I will continue to repeat this until they are...

How's Your Eating Going...

Yesterday, mid squat thrust my trainer comes over and asks, "So Stephanie, How's your eating going,". Uhhhhhhhhhhhh. Well the honest truth is my eating is going about as well as the squat thrusts, TERRIBLE and PAINFUL! I might have discussed this before, but I truly feel like I have some sort of an emotional tie to food. I've never been a binge eater, I don't think, and have never been bulimic, but I tend to eat what I'm feeling. After bad days I want to dive head first into chocolate and ice cream with a side of brownies and a pizza on top. I mean honestly, that sentence basically sums it up. I've never dieted because the thought of not being able to eat what it is I might crave just makes me all kinds of crazy. How sad is that?????  I feel like I have ZERO will power to put down the bad stuff and pick up the good. It's sort of depressing. That's why I decided to focus on exercising first. As much as I don't want to do it, I'd much rather continue to eat what I want and just suffer through 4 hours of sweat and tears a week. Again, terrible, TERRIBLE statement, but it's truth.

Before I sound like a complete lost cause and I realize it may be too late for that I'd like it noted that I have given up all fast food joints. Except for the occasional I slept late, didn't have time to make breakfast so I had to stop and grab something. And, I have been trying to drink more tea and less carbonated sodas. The best cure for this is the mini sodas. Plus, they are so cute! So it's not for lack of effort that my eating sucks...right?

You are probably wondering why I am telling you all of this. One, this is a little therapeutic and two, I want to try a cut a few more things from my plethora of food choices. I'd like to start cutting back on bread, insert audience OOOOooooooooh noise now, and on my sweets intake. For any of you out there who know me, this has got to be my GREATEST down fall...my obsession with dessert! Before I can even take my last bite of whatever meal I am having, I have already started to think about what I am getting for dessert. I mean seriously, there has got to be a disease for that, right!!!??!! I mean at the same moment I am writing this post, I have been talking to a lady who I am hiring to make a cake for my Mom's retirement party and I am so excited about eating this cake the party is like a MONTH AWAY! What is wrong with me. I'm digressing. So long story short, starting today I am going to try and NOT eat something sweet after EVERY meal, but try not to eat anything sweet at all. I don't know how many days it will last, I know Friday is my cousin's birthday and my Aunt has ordered her wedding cake flavor and I've been thinking about that ALL week too, so my chances aren't good.

So far today, the only sweet I've had was the sugar in my coffee. I got back from lunch and my devil of a co-worker had brought me back a chocolate chip cookie the size of my face. Not to mention the package of Reese's Peanut Butter Big Cups in my desk drawer. So this will be interesting to say the least. I will do my best to be honest and check in with you. And just so you know just HOW HARD this will be, I've already come up with a list of things I want to eat since I've decided not to eat them. It goes a little something like this... (all found via Pinterest)

Well Hello There...

Are introductions back in order? Posting has been like slowly peeling off a band aid, that is REALLY stuck on there. I've clicked the link to this blog several times with words just sitting on the tips of my fingertips and then...nothing. So I've hit the X box to close out and tired again a few days later. Same thing happened. I finally realized that my posting would be me having to fess up to being unaccountable, unmotivated and under achieving. But it is what it is. And how else do you over come a hurdle, other than crossing over it, learning from it and maybe doing better the next time. So, here's to me crossing the hurdle.

Since last we met I was slowly but surely on the decline. I had stopped attending the tabatas class I was taking and didn't re-enlist. Before I knew it holidays were creeping up and then in blink of an eye it was 2013!!! Where does the time go? I kept talking to Vance about signing back up for my class, but never did it. I started to look for a rec volleyball team I could join for SOME exercise, but quickly talked myself out of that as well. Then, about 2-3 weeks into January I got an email from the lady who ran the tabatas class. She was running a special for a 4 week session. It was heavily discounted, so without hesitation I registered and immediately started dreading the following Tuesday!

I took every mental and physical bone in my body to get to class. Being lazy is like a wet blanket. But I arrived, participated, hyperventilated, felt like dying, but more importantly, SURVIVED. I enrolled for Tues/Thur Tabatas for 4 weeks. And it took that full 4 weeks to get back into the groove. The thing I LOVE about this class is that it's all women, of ALL shapes and sizes and fitness levels. Everyone is very inviting and FUN and I feel VERY comfortable. We also very easily fall into the role of keeping tabs on each other. Making sure we all show up, which is nice. One of the ladies in my class mentions she also attends class on Mondays and Wednesdays. Those two days are strength training. She said there were only 3 ladies in that class total and that I should think about joining. When the 4 weeks was up I signed back up for my Tues/Thurs day and then added the Mon/Wed one! This is week 3 of the 4 day work out schedule. Besides a few overlaps between work and personal things during the week, I've been doing pretty good with my attendance. I actually find it easier to go 4 days in a row, rather than just two days. The momentum totally helps. Friday thru Sunday I try to at least get a walk or two in there, maybe do a little hiking with the family. But for now, I am focusing on making this 4 day workout routine a permanent task in my week.

Results??? Why yes, I think I've seen a few. To be clear, I have seen ZERO lbs shed. Like NONE what so ever. In fact, I think I have gained a few. But things are fitting better. Denim jackets that I bought a size smaller are starting to feel a little baggy and I am able to button it now! I feel like my gut hangs out just a little less than it used to. But the biggest result has been my energy level. Having said that, last week and this, I've had a little set back in the energy department, but for the most part it has definitely increased! I used to come home from class and feel completely defeated. Like, even eating took effort. So I would drag myself to the car from the studio, practically crawl to the front door, muster up the strength to lift and pour milk into my cereal bowl from the gallon jug and try to make the journey from the bowl to the spoon with minimal spillage. Next, I would bitch and moan through removing workout clothes and try to stand on wobbly legs through the worlds quickest/hottest shower known to man. I would suffer through putting on pj's and then basically tuck and roll into my side of the bed, where I would hunker down for the night, at a whopping 8:15 pm at night!!! Hahahahaha. Pathetic.

These days I come home still a little sore, but so pumped! We usually start dinner when I get home, eat at the table, like a civilized family and then pack my clothes for tomorrow's workout, maybe do a load of laundry. Might watch of few episodes of something good on TV and then call it a night after my shower. It's an amazing feeling.

I know that all sounds like roses and butterflies, but there are a few draw backs. I have done nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to change my eating habits. :( One, I am weak and two, I just don't wanna. Well and I guess three, I feel like I need to tackle one hurdle at a time. So I'm choosing to focus on the exercise for right now. I'm guessing that's probably why I haven't seen any lbs fall off yet. I will say the more I work out and don't see the lbs fall off, the more compelled I am to start working on my food intake. So maybe shortly I will be starting that little adventure. Until then I am back...with vengeance and ready to give this thing another go.

What have you guys been up to for the past 7 months?