Cayman's Anyone?

You would think a trip to the Grand Cayman Islands in May would be enough of a motivator for me to stick to a freakin' goal! I mean, we're talking paradise here people and I seem to quote alright with being the BEACHED WHALE! I am excited about this trip for several reasons...

1. It's FREAKIN' vacation!
2. Vance went here with his family before we were engaged. When he came back, all he talked about was how he wished I was there so he could have proposed to me on the beautiful beach. Maybe he'll pop the question a second time, for old times sake!
3. I thought this trip would really be a motivator for me to kick things into gear.

I need to remember to give myself credit where credit is due. The truth is I am currently going to the gym for an hour Monday through Thursday. That is four times a week more than I have been going in the last 5 years or more. And I am proud of myself. BUT the harsh reality is that it's not enough.

I went in to the Dr on Monday, just a little routine visit. She asked me all the normal questions. When I told her about the exercise class, she was glad to hear it. Something about the relief in her eyes, made me a little depressed. But I told I was starting my 2nd month of four times a week workout and I really haven't lost any weight. I have noticed things fitting better, but I had actually GAINED a few pounds. She informed me this was totally normal. That I am gaining weight because I am swapping muscle for fat and fat weighs more...AWESOME and that exercise will really only help me to tone and maintain my current weight,  not necessarily help me lose any. Id I wanted to lose the weight, I would have to tackle my food issues. Let me tell you how UPLIFTING that visit was.

I know I am I am going to just sound like a giant tit bag, excuse the expression, but it just seems like SO much work! And I feel like I will NEVER be able to eat anything that tastes good again. And I just don't know how worth it, being skinny is.

WOW!!!! That actually just came out of my mouth! It's embarrassing, but true! And, I don't want to be skinny, but I want to be healthy and that means losing some lbs. I feel like I am having the never ending conversation with myself. I am just constantly waiting for something to click.

Yesterday I worked from home and went through a GIANT box a photos from high school and college. I was digging around some for some motivating photos. Shockingly enough, I found a TON. I don't remember liking my body back then either, but looking at those photos, I would KILL for that body now. This is quite possible one of the hardest journey's I have ever been on. I'm not sure how I will do this, but I know I HAVE TO. This year I turn 30, in July, and if I don't make this change now, it will be THAT MUCH harder to do the older and more set in my ways I get. I wish my actions were as dedicated as my words.

I wish my actions were as dedicated as my words.

I wish my actions were as dedicated as my words.

I wish my actions were as dedicated as my words.

I think I will continue to repeat this until they are...