Changes

Since my wedding blog days, I haven't really found a voice or a topic for a new blog, for THIS new blog. Crafting, cooking, home renovations, all the bright ideas have come and gone. It's not that I'm not passionate about those hobbies in my life, especially our house, but I just don't have burning desire to share those things with the world, like I did our wedding. Can't really blame myself for it. But what sucks, is I always did enjoy blogging. Wanting to blog and having nothing blog about puts a blogger in a sort of awkward position. So with my spare time I've been the opposite of a blogger, I've been a READER! It's so funny to have seen my Google Reader morph into what it's become today. I've gone from following EVERY WEDDING BLOG KNOW TO MAN, to following home renovation blogs like, Young House Love, one of my faves, home styling blogs like, Style By Emily Henderson, who is ever so quirky and funny and I totally want to be her BFF so we can laugh at our stupid jokes that we think are funny, but really, are SUPER funny, and fashion blogs like, Kendi Everyday, whose closet I want to RAID! I've also have become oober curious of weight loss blogs. Every couple of weeks I get on a google search kicks that send to all sorts of weight loss blogs. I can't really put my criteria in words as to what constitutes a great weight loss blog in my head, but I have to admit, I'm VERY picky. I've read through quite a few now and they always have the same affect on me, I close the link thinking, I should do that. So last night, while in bed at a ripe 7:30pm due to a recent battle with bronchitis, I found my self on a weight loss blog mad search. Link after link, I clicked, looked, read and closed. And then I found it, there embedded beneath layers of Google pages, Project 365. Immediately, I scrolled to the bottom of the page to watch her progression unfold in front of me, AMAZING! Her weight loss journey started 365 lbs and as of today, well as of 03/16/2012, she is at 199lbs! Is that just not incredible. So after my initial scroll through, I started from the very beginning and have been reading through her 365 day challenge, I am on Day# 70. She is young and funny and honest and so, so brave for sharing her journey. She posts pictures, weigh ins, struggles, good days and bad and I TOTALLY admire her for that. If this isn't all snowballing into the inevitable, I have decided to start writing about my own weight loss. I'm not ready for a challenge, nor do I think last night has all of a sudden sent me into a healthy living frenzy, but what I do know is that losing weight has been a constant goal I've wanted to achieve and it has yet happened. I've been waiting for my AHA moment, where one incident kicks me into gear, but at this point, I don't think that's happening. So I am going to take finding this blog as a sign, a sign that maybe starting this blog is something I should do and sharing my story with whomever will read it, is a good thing and a step in the right direction.

So where do I stand today? Today I stand here with a lot of weight to lose. I am not at the point where I'm at peace with sharing my starting weight, but I can tell you I have a goal over being under 200 lbs and have a little under a 100lbs that need to go to get there. WOW, even that was hard. That number STILL surprises me because I have always justified my weight to my height, but the fact of the matter is, I'm just not THAT tall. :) I haven't always been heavy either, so I think along with other issues, I'm battling a hard case of denial. My weight gain started my freshman year of college, but for much more reasons that the freshman 15. In 2001, I had the first of 3 back surgeries (disk fusions), the last one being in about 2006 I think. Bear with me, I'm getting old! With each surgery, my activity level gradually diminished and today I have to say I don't consider myself an "active" person. Just a mere 10 years ago I was playing volleyball several times a week, going to gym because (OH MY GOSH) I actually enjoyed it and really eating anything I wanted. These days I have to talk myself into doing anything remotely aerobic and that makes me a sad. I've tried the gym, zumba classes and even walking in our neighborhood with a friend, but nothing has stuck. Our social calendar tends to get in the way of anything routine after work and I am not the most pleasant morning person. But at some point, something has to give. And at least the desire to change has never gone away. Now I just have to find the self discipline and control. Which is a great segue to talk to you about my eating habits.

TERRIBLE, that is the best way to describe my eating habits. I mean as I'm typing this, I'm eating a slice of cherry pie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. THAT is the ugly truth. I recently was diagnosed with Meniere's disease. Don't feel bad if you've never heard of it, the day I got the diagnosis was the first day I've heard of it as well. If you want the long story, click the link, the short story is it's an inner ear disorder that causes vertigo-like symptoms, NO FUN. There are a few ways to treat, but we've opted to start with a low-sodium diet, a 1500mg of sodium a day, low-sodium diet to be exact. NO FUN and not easy. Everything has sodium, even things you think would be super healthy have sodium, so it's been a bot of a nightmare. But just the finding Tiffany's blog, I am taking this diagnosis as a sign. A sign that something needs to change. I don't desire to be a girl who doesn't eat cherry pie or bread or things with fat in them or gluten in them. I don't desire to never be able to eat out at restaurants because I'm on some weird diet plan which only allows me to eat squirrel food. But I do desire to be healthy and not overweight. I want to have a bad day and not feel like the piece of chocolate cake is the only thing that will make it better. I want to find the self control to not eat something sweet after EVERY meal, just because I can. It's going to be a long road, but that's expected. 

I have a lot of hurdles to clear. Managing to do them all at the same time seems to be a little overwhelming and quickly feels like I am setting myself up for failure, so I've decided to take them a little at a time. The long term goal for losing almost 100lbs seems totally out of reach, so I think for me baby steps are the best way to go. I've asked my husband, Vance, to get up early with me to start walking the neighborhood. Even 20 or 30 minutes is something, rather than nothing. And I am going to start a food journal. YES, I've already written down the piece of cherry pie!!!! And the ice cream, promise. I think it's easy to eat and forget, so I am hoping eating, writing and remembering will cause me to reflect and start to really think about what I am choosing to put in my mouth. We'll see!

So welcome, should you choose to come along for the ride. It feels really good to have found my voice, my outlet again. I can't promise it will always be about weight loss, there are other things swirling around in our life, but whatever it is I chose to share, I can promise you one thing...I will keep it as real and as entertaining as possible. :)